I've been contemplating what I actually want to lose this weight for. There are so many reasons. Firstly it's to stop putting money into buying myself new clothes because the ones I already have don't fit me, and put the money into the Slimming World groups instead. It's frustrating more than anything, only being able to switch between two tops because I don't want to waste money on any more tents to put myself in. It's really got to the point now where I am struggling to go into a normal shop to purchase anything, and I really don't want to go to a 'plus size' section of a shop. I've lost my style because I really can't proceed with it, because you end up buying clothes that fit rather than to look good. I'm sick of the tight arms, the 'not-long-enough' tops, the swamping material. I walk into a shop and have to eliminate 95% of the stock because I know it won't fit, they don't go up to a 20, or it won't be flattering on me.
There are so many pictures of women I come across on a day to day basis and I just think I'm so far away from how they look. On billboards or Youtube or Instagram, and I know a lot of them have worked very hard to get where they are. A lot of people I follow on Instagram that are slimming worlders have been on a very long journey and I can see how happy and confident they are after succeeding. I want to feel like that. I want to be able to feel nice, confident and even attractive at a push (without sounding conceited!). I would even love to feel confident in some nice underwear too, I know that it can make you feel on top of the world, but I'm no where near that at the moment.
It makes me wonder if I'll ever get there. With one of my weight losses before, I managed to get to 12st 6 lbs and I felt so happy and confident, even though target was 11st 10lbs, I was really happy at that weight. I could see for myself that my body had changed, and I would like to get further than that and strike up the fitness. I'll never be a size 8, my body just isn't built for that. The gene I have inherited from my Dads side is the big human gene, so I have always been a bigger person. Big bones, broad shoulders and a big bum! I don't mind if that sticks around though!
So I got on my scales at home, I know some people think that is really bad to do midway through the week, but I wanted to check I was going in the right direction. My scales today said 16st 3lbs! So, so far this week that is a 4 and a half lb loss, and we are only on Thursday! I really would love to get another 2 and a half off before monday, that would give me my half a stone certificate! I always have a big loss in the first week, but I generally tend to be able to lose the first stone in 3 to 4 weeks, so that is the aim. Which would bring me to 11th of May if it was 3 weeks, and down to 15st 7 1/2lbs. Challenge accepted.
Love,
TF x
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