Contemplating the Journey

I've been contemplating what I actually want to lose this weight for. There are so many reasons. Firstly it's to stop putting money into buying myself new clothes because the ones I already have don't fit me, and put the money into the Slimming World groups instead. It's frustrating more than anything, only being able to switch between two tops because I don't want to waste money on any more tents to put myself in. It's really got to the point now where I am struggling to go into a normal shop to purchase anything, and I really don't want to go to a 'plus size' section of a shop. I've lost my style because I really can't proceed with it, because you end up buying clothes that fit rather than to look good. I'm sick of the tight arms, the 'not-long-enough' tops, the swamping material. I walk into a shop and have to eliminate 95% of the stock because I know it won't fit, they don't go up to a 20, or it won't be flattering on me. 

There are so many pictures of women I come across on a day to day basis and I just think I'm so far away from how they look. On billboards or Youtube or Instagram, and I know a lot of them have worked very hard to get where they are. A lot of people I follow on Instagram that are slimming worlders have been on a very long journey and I can see how happy and confident they are after succeeding. I want to feel like that. I want to be able to feel nice, confident and even attractive at a push (without sounding conceited!). I would even love to feel confident in some nice underwear too, I know that it can make you feel on top of the world, but I'm no where near that at the moment.

It makes me wonder if I'll ever get there. With one of my weight losses before, I managed to get to 12st 6 lbs and I felt so happy and confident, even though target was 11st 10lbs, I was really happy at that weight. I could see for myself that my body had changed, and I would like to get further than that and strike up the fitness. I'll never be a size 8, my body just isn't built for that. The gene I have inherited from my Dads side is the big human gene, so I have always been a bigger person. Big bones, broad shoulders and a big bum! I don't mind if that sticks around though! 

So I got on my scales at home, I know some people think that is really bad to do midway through the week, but I wanted to check I was going in the right direction. My scales today said 16st 3lbs! So, so far this week that is a 4 and a half lb loss, and we are only on Thursday! I really would love to get another 2 and a half off before monday, that would give me my half a stone certificate! I always have a big loss in the first week, but I generally tend to be able to lose the first stone in 3 to 4 weeks, so that is the aim. Which would bring me to 11th of May if it was 3 weeks, and down to 15st 7 1/2lbs. Challenge accepted.

Love,

TF x

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The Third Day In!

So I'm on the third day of rejoining Slimming World. So far so good! I haven't stepped out of line as yet, so I'm quite proud of that. Hubby was going to do it with me too but he has stopped already. I think you have really got to want to lose weight to stick with it, and I don't want to make him miserable if it's not in his heart to do it. So I am carrying on, and with all my might must refuse to eat the not so slimming world things with him! We both also drink an unruly amount of diet coke, and I want to cut that down too. I have had only a small amount over the last two days and have been suffering a headache as a result of the lack of caffeine, it's really surprising how much you can end up relying on it without realising! I've been going to bed early, I know I need to just get through this part to break the mould.

As well as for my own benefit, losing weight is something I want to do for our family. I've been married a year now and would love a baby at some point in the future. This maybe TMI ladies, but I am all about being real and honest. Without my identity here, I feel much more able to write down how I really feel and that might just help even one other being. 

So when I was younger, around 15/16 I had still not had my first period. One day I was on work experience at a school, and was staying at my Aunts house nearby. I was photocopying, and felt the most terrible pains I'd never felt before, but plodded on. I went back to my Aunts and went to bed, and low and behold when I woke up, the bed was the sight of a small massacre. My goodness I was horrified, so embarrassed that it had happened away from home too. I guess it's something myself and my Aunt and Uncle won't forget too quickly! So after that, about another eight months passed and I had another one. But that was it. Mother Nature did not bless me with regularity, only tumbleweed. 

I was put on the contraceptive pill to kick start them, which I did have a few but they soon stopped. I had scans and all sorts of poking and prodding, but nothing looked wrong. So another 8 or 9 years later, I have had the pill and two Implants and never really had a period with those either. This brings me to now, where I had the Implant removed July of 2014, and I've only had two periods since, which both have been fairly light. I know It can take a long time to adjust, especially after having contraception for so long, but I guess I just don't feel like a proper woman! So now I am thinking the weight is contributing to this. I haven't been tested for PCOS but I don't think the Docs will touch me until I've shifted the chub.

We are going on a 'see what happens' basis, I'm pretty focused at work at the moment, and I would be so so happy to see that second line come up on a pregnancy test, I'm not particularly the 'Get Home Now Husband' kind! That being said, I am now doing an ovulation test every day just so I can keep track of my hormone levels and so I know If I'm ever going to ovulate! Time will tell, but less weight and less caffeine has surely got to help.

So I'm going to keep going, and see what sort of loss happens this week! Good luck if you are on the same journey! 

Love TF x

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Let the Tittle Fattle Begin!

Welcome to Tittle Fattle. Your number one source for...well...moaning, eating, not eating, trials and tribulations of a weight loss journey (how very 'gossip girl!'). This is all the Tittle Tattle necessary for anyone going through a weight loss journey, or thinking about beginning one, hence the Tittle Fattle title. 

My body weight is up and down so much, it's like that of a fiddlers elbow. I started Weight Watchers in 2013 to get ready for my wedding which was in 2014, but really I started far too early. I managed to lose two stone, which was really great for me at the time, with my starting weight of 14st 9lbs. I was a little heavier than that, but managed to lose a bit beforehand as I was due to do a Skydive, and my weight was a barrier to whether I would actually be able to take part or not. I know, mortifying. I ended up just by the skin of my teeth being able to do it, (UH-MAZING BTW) but still ended up on a tandem with the biggest guy there that could support my weight. I should add I am now reaching the grand age of 25, so was 23 at the time. No matter how hard you try and cover it up, it still twists the knife in your gut knowing the numerical value on the scales can stop you from doing things in life that you just might really want to do!

Soon after I lost the weight I started to feel good in my own skin, getting to about 12st 6lbs, which is when I bought my wedding dress. I was so proud of myself and my dress fitted like a glove! However as the confidence crept in, the weight crept up and I slowly but surely put it all back on, unable to fit into my beautiful dress!

Apologies for the life story, but I figured if we get the necessities over, you know a bit about me and you might be able to relate to something of the rabble I put here!

So our wedding was in April, and having just had Christmas everything just added up and I was back at square one and then some. I ended up from January to April pretty much drinking smoothies, juices  and eating chicken salad every day. As grim as it was, it was a quick fix and boy, did it work! I got back into my dress in four months and the job was a good'un. 

The honeymoon passed, and so did other events and trips and there we have it, piled back on, plus another one and a half stone, taking me up to 16st 1 1.2lbs. We were in Athens when I figured it was the last straw! I could hardly walk, going up to see the Parthenon was one of the most gruelling tasks I'd ever done. Blood, sweat and tears! Maybe not quite so dramatic but it felt like it at the time. 

We ventured home and it was here I joined Slimming world! I attended the meetings each week and lost 2 stone in 8 weeks. I lose it just as quick as I put it on, my metabolism is shattered. 

I really enjoyed doing it, but Hubby and I just love to eat out. It is one of our favourite things to do and I began to miss it. Daft isn't it? I just wanted to taste everything bad, and binge and eat and slob in front of the TV with snacks galore. So thats what I did. 

This brings me to where I am now. Back at square one 16 and a half stone if not more. I daren't look at the scales. The eating has been uncontrollable and I can't say I haven't enjoyed it, because I have. What I don't enjoy however, is buying size 20 clothes that are coming up tight, having two tops to my name that fit, being only comfortable in an elasticated waist and generally resembling that of a Weeble. 

Everywhere hurts, aches and pains. I can't walk 5 minutes without my back seizing up, I know it's cliche but going up the stairs takes me a good few minutes to recover, physical activity is just a no no. It's becoming a huge effort to even do half an hour of housework and then I'm too tired to carry on. I wake up tired. Sounding familiar? We need to do something about it.

I'm going back to Slimming World tonight. I just know it works for me, this isn't sponsored or anything, it just really does seem to come off with their plan, it's keeping it off thats the issue. So I thought starting this blog will help keep me on track, and I can check back to see how I'm feeling. This may help someone in the same old boat as me, but if it doesn't then if you're reading this at least it's passing some time in your day! 

I'm joining a different group now, the embarrassment of me not turning up to the other one was too much to handle, I'm an anxiety sufferer and if you are too you will catch my drift! I just want a new start somewhere else, and it is going to take all of my might to go tonight, but I know once I have passed that barrier I shall be good to go. I want to see the back of the days that I can't squeeze between tables at a restaurant without my fat arse sliding on another customers dinner! If you are trying to pluck up the courage to go, just think what's the worst that can happen? You won't be the smallest and I bet you won't be the biggest. We can do this, and do it together! I'll report back tomorrow with how I got on...

Love,

TF x

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